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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Acceptance or Judgement?

The need is clear in my mind for all of us.  We need to judge less.  I catch myself time and time again talking to my wife about someone for 5, 10, 15 minutes and at the end of it realize I have been judging that person the entire time; by something this person said, or did, or just who this person is.  Ridiculous, I know.

This got me thinking of why we are so judgmental.  To me its pretty simple: we get judged by everything we do on a regular basis.  Our work is judged by a boss or supervisor; we get judged by how well we cook by people telling us if it's good or not; we get judged by how we are dressed; we get judged by our speech, whether we are tactful or not.  It's no wonder why we judge others, we ourselves get judged all the time.

It is really tough to categorize judgment.  When is it needed?  When is it not?  How do we exercise it?

I really like things simple.  I try hard to live a simple life, not complicated by unnecessary things.  So, here is my simple assessment of judgment.  It is really not our place in any way to judge people unless they themselves ask for it.  If we are going to judge ourselves that is our choice (I do believe we need a healthy view of ourselves), but we have no right to judge another person (outside of a work environment, but even here we tend to judge not performance, but the person, sad but true).

This world is too full of people giving their opinions on people who have no business giving an opinion at all.  We see a person like this or like that and we say out loud something critical that brings judgement on that person.

No where is this more prevalent than inside the church.  We give critiques on how loud music is, or how long the message is, or we don't like how this person acts and the list goes on and on.  More often than not we give our opinion of things and call it fact, but really it's just unnecessary judgement of a person.  I personally fell prey to this on Sunday morning this past week.  I won't get into the specifics,  but I judged heavily and gave my opinion on a matter as what would be best and who did it help?  No one.

The reality is we pass judgement on another person because it is easier to look at what someone else needs to change instead of what we need to change in our own lives; we judge because sometimes we are afraid if we had a healthy view of ourselves we wouldn't like what we see.  So, instead of investing in a healthy view of ourselves we just look at others and tell them the ways they ought to change; the things they need to improve upon.

Jesus tells us not to judge others because the standard we hold others to will be the standard we will be held to (see Matthew 7).  To me, that's sobering.  Not only is Jesus telling us not to judge, but He also does it (see John 4).

Maybe instead of judging others we should start accepting them as they are knowing we don't have things together either.  Maybe what is needed is not more fixing others, but more looking at ourselves and seeing we have this massive 2x4 log sticking out of our eye and we need to take care of that before we tell others what they need to fix.  Maybe this is Jesus' way of saying, you have no right to judge anyone because you will never be perfect enough to judge.  Maybe this is just another way of saying we don't think Jesus is enough, so we judge thinking we are helping Him (just ludicrous, but this is primarily what is at the heart of judgement).

We judge way too much.  We need to stop.  We are not helping others by telling them what they are doing wrong, we are just doing more damage.

We need not be afraid of looking at ourselves and getting healthy.  The more we start to get healthy ourselves I can guarantee the less we will judge.


Thoughts are of course always welcome.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Church and Mental Illness

Over the last few years mental illness has become such a prevalent topic of conversation.  I recently finished reading Delight in Disorder by Tony Roberts; a post about his journey as a pastor in dealing with bipolar disorder.  It got me thinking about how the church is engaging with mental illness.

I think the common thought of mental illness is no Christian should have a mental illness.  Some Christians believe those with mental illnesses are demon possessed, aren't praying enough, or have sinned and this is the consequence of that particular sin.  In my opinion this is pure ignorance from those who think this.  I mean, really?  To say the least, this really frustrates me.

What frustrates me even more is there are leaders right now proclaiming this to be truth from the Bible.  Things like, depression is a sin, or those with other mental illnesses are living in sin are spoken, ostracizing those dealing with these illnesses from the one place they ought to be accepted and loved.  In the middle of the Last Supper, after Jesus washes his disciples feet and before Jesus' rebuke of Peter, we read this by Jesus:
"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for another will prove to the world that you are my disciples" (John 13:34-35, New Living Translation).
Even if it were true that these illnesses were proof of sin (WHICH THEY ARE NOT!) followers of Christ are not to be identified by what they think sin is or not, but by their love.

As Scripture says in 1 Peter 4:8, "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."  I love this because it doesn't say opinions, or ideas, or anything else covers sin, but just love.  Yet when it comes to mental illness and the Church, love seems to be missing.

Isn't it a shame the Church doesn't seem to be the place where those suffering from mental illnesses go to find love and acceptance?  That the Church is a place full of stigma and gossip when it comes to mental illness?  I believe it can be different.

Living in the city of Toronto I run into a fair amount of people who suffer from these illnesses.  Sometimes it's scary, I'm not going to lie.  There have been times I have been approached by a person and was scared, yet each time I remember love and acceptance is what I am called to give.  I love encountering people, giving them a warm smile and saying hi, no matter who they are, what they look like, or what they are struggling with.  But still, people think I am crazy and the sad part is most of these people say they are following Christ.

There are a lot of things the Church is spear-heading, but I think most of these things are not what we should be investing in!  Shouldn't we be investing and leading the charge in things like these?

Yes this is a little bit of a rant, I get that, but reading Tony Roberts' story got me thinking a lot.

What do you think?

Comments are always welcome.


That's it.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Bitter or Better

Last year, in October, Megan and I took a trip down to Myrtle Beach.  Along the way we made a few stops in New York, Philadelphia, Virginia Beach and we drove through the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  It was incredible.  While we were in New York we decided to do everything we had not done yet in the city (For those who know what we did during our 2010 trip you know there wasn't much left).  The things on the list: NYU, experience Washington Square Park, and of course the Staten Island Ferry to wave at The Statue of Liberty.

It was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining and it was pretty warm.  We waited to board the Staten Island Ferry to wave at the Statue of Liberty and take some great pictures of the scenery.  For those who have never taken this ferry, it is free.  It takes you to Staten Island, you have to get off, then re-board to journey back to Manhattan.  On the journey back to Manhattan I decided to sit down on a bench at the back of the ferry.  Megan was enjoying taking more photos.  As she was doing this I noticed a person beside me.  He was an older gentleman and was alone.  He said something to me and before anyone could blink Gary and I were in a great conversation.

The conversation lasted the entirety of the trip back to Manhattan.  I can't recall all of what we talked about, but there is something I found out through the conversation.  Gary was from Australia (yes, the accent was AWESOME!).  A number of years ago he and his wife had taken a trip to New York and did many things together.  This time, he was alone.  Gary's wife had died in the past year.  He was in great spirits about it though.  He told me about his friend who told him something profound just after his wife had died.  The friend said, "Gary, you can either be bitter or better, you choose."  Gary then promptly told me he was going to be better!

After a bit more conversation he told me he was on this trip in memory of his wife; he was doing all the things he and his wife did on their previous trip.  Just before we docked he told me how much he enjoyed Jersey Boys and how he was going to see them that night.  When we docked he got up, said goodbye and was on his way.  I wanted to continue to talk, but he had things to do!

I love it, "Gary, you can either be bitter or better, you choose."  This thought has stuck with me since that moment on the ferry.  In life I am going to go through so many experiences, all of which are going to shape who I become - even the seemingly mundane ones.  After every experience I now ask myself, "bitter or better?"  I have to admit, sometimes I choose bitter.  Heck, it's easier!  It's harder to move on from certain experiences sometimes, but once it's done it's great.

I will never forget that ferry ride.  Gary is forever in my life.  I know I will probably never see Gary again, but I thank you Gary, for giving me such great advice simply by sharing your story with me.*

Obviously there is more to write about when it comes to Gary, but this is the biggest point.

Honestly, what do you choose more often: bitter or better?

Think about it.


Thoughts are always welcome.

*For more on the power of story visit storylineblog.com.  Also for a great book on the power of story pick up A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.