Project 333 - An Experiment

Have you ever had a moment where you hear something, or see something and you just know it's the thing you had been looking for? You know you were looking for something, but didn't know what it was until you heard it, or saw it? It happened to me yesterday.

For those who know me, you know I am a simple person. I have too much stuff and, if you were honest, you have too much stuff too. All of this stuff adds to our stress as each item we possess fills up a part of our mental energy and space, taking the room of something possibly more important.

This Sunday I am preaching a sermon on Luke 18 - The Rich Young Ruler. This man did everything outwardly necessary to follow Jesus, but Jesus wasn't just looking for the outside. Jesus probed. Jesus asked him to sell all his possessions and give them to the poor. The rich man wasn't willing because the things we thought he possessed actually were possessing him; his material possessions had such a hold on him and letting them go was too much to follow Jesus.

As always when I prepare sermons God teaches me a whole lot about myself. It's no coincidence this week I downloaded a Robcast where Rob Bell interviews a minimalist named Joshua Becker (www.becomingminimalist.com/). During the interview Joshua started talking about this thing called Project 333 (http://bemorewithless.com/project-333/). As I stated above, I have a lot of stuff, even if I don't think I do. In aligning myself with my sermon on possessions Sunday and in keeping with letting do and simplifying I am taking on the challenge.

Project 333 - Dress with 33 total items for 3 months

I know what you are thinking, 'Oh this is easy!' Ok, until hats, scarves, mits, shoes, socks, underwear, each individual item counts towards the dress. And it's going into October in Canada. It's not as easy as you think. Yesterday as I was laying out my 33 items I thought I had it in the bag, no problem, until I got to 33 and had no socks and underwear on my list.........

So, here we go. Today I started Project 333 and I will be inviting the people I speak to on Sunday to join me in this, maybe not 33 items, but less than 50. I will be doing it till December 28 and will be living on A LOT less clothing than I normally do.

To end let me share my 33 items:

Outerwear (8):

3 - pairs of shoes (Sperry's, Blundstones, Dress Shoes)

1 - hat (winter)

3 - coats/vests (Wool Suit Jacket, Vest, Goose Jacket)

1 - pair of mits

Casual Clothes and Undergarments (12)

2 - undershirts

4 - T-shirts (Long sleeved/Short sleeved)

3 - Pairs of pants

2 - Sweaters

1 - Sweatpants

Dress Clothes (5)

1 - Pants

3 - Shirts

1 - Tie

Accessories (2)

2 - Belts (Casual/Dress)

Let's do this!

A Simple Proclamation

I do for the fame of Jesus Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to the glory of the Father.

This is why I do what I do.

Say It Don't Assume It!

Short post today.

Last night I experienced something breathtaking: I was able to tell a person I think they are inspiring and amazing. Why is this important? I actually told them, not other people, THEM. Isn't it interesting how we talk about people behind their backs, good and bad, more than actually to their face? I mean we have let gossip get the best of us and have been sucked into the belief, 'people don't need to be told they are awesome.'

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD!

Everyone needs encouragement in this journey of life. We all need to hear words of love and life. We need to know people are remembering us and pointing us to good things. I was able to tell a beautiful person last night how inspiring their life is; how proud I am; how beautiful the influence they have on the world is. It was amazing for me to get out those words because not only did this person need to hear them, I needed to say them out loud to this very person.

Could it be, this morning, you need to tell a person they are wonderful? DO IT! Do not hesitate because they are probably in DESPERATE need of hearing it right now.

It's time we lift people up because at this moment we are one of the most depressed generations ever; so disconnected from each other emotionally and from the good things.

It's time. Do it!

Linger Longer

A while ago I took this full-day Mindfulness Based Meditation class. It was challenging and amazing all at the same time. There is a ton I took from it, but there is one thing I remember which soars above the rest.

5 minutes.

I was told the art of meditation is to do it 5 minutes longer than I think I could. For some people they don't think they can do it at all, so 5 minutes is the starting point. For others it can be done for a while, so they simply increase their time by 5 minutes. It's uncanny what happens in those 5 minutes. Usually the most profound moments of clarity and realization happen in those 5 minutes.

Since before this meditation class I have had this saying with my church and in my life, linger longer. You know those moments in life you don't want to stop? Those moments in life where it feels like something bigger is going on? Well it's actually not these moments I am talking about because at these times we do usually linger longer. What I am talking about is the mundane moments, those moments where nothing seems to be happening. In those moments, linger longer. I have found in those moments waiting an extra 5 minutes has given me things I never thought possible.

Today, as you go about your today, stay in a space for another 5 minutes longer than you would. Take some deep breaths in those moments. Don't be so quick to rush off to the next thing because there is something in those 5 minutes which could change your life. It's happened to me more than I can recount.

Life As Mystery

I think I'm becoming a mystic. There I said it out loud. It's not a bad thing AT ALL, but I had to say it for the truth to sink in.

With that truth said, life is a mystery.

Take a step. Seriously, stand up and take a step. Did you know what was going to happen when you took this step? 'Of course' some may say, but I'm at a point now where my answer is no - I didn't know what was going to happen when I took the step. We have ideas, lots of them. Some ideas are small and some are big. All of these ideas have impact and all of them have purpose. Ideas are formulated by putting time and energy it to making it happen; putting the shovel to the ground as some may say. During the process of formulation unexpected things happen. The idea has morphed into something else, it got derailed, sidetracked, it happened to just be a thought and it's over, it is now way bigger than first thought.

Throughout life we all take steps. Some steps seem mundane like walking to the toilet and others seem purposeful like walking into a new job. These steps, each step, has a purpose and meaning. Each new step takes us into a space we have never been before. I need to say it again for myself. Each new step takes us into a space we have never been before. If we have never been to the space we are now putting our foot into, isn't this mysterious? This is exciting.

I love looking at life like this because I think I am in control, but I am really out of control. Every time I remember this mysterious life I am remembering I have put my life in the control of the One who has created me. It is out of my control, yet in full control. Sure, I choose when to walk, where to go, but in my journeys do I choose who I encounter? Do I choose my surroundings? Do I choose the people I see, the smiles I give, the energy I put out there?

When I consider life as a mystery it humbles me. The world is much, much bigger than my small little world. This does not mean my small world is unimportant, but it means it fits into a much larger picture. As I consider what a mystery life is I see new ways my life fits into the greater picture.

Today as I step, I step into mystery; I step into 'Radical Amazement' (Abraham Joshua Heschel).

We Are All Just Trying to Figure it Out

Life.

It's difficult sometimes.
It's joyous sometimes.
It's good.
It's challenging.
It's rewarding.
It's fun.
It's a surprise.

There is nothing guaranteed in life. All we know is what we are doing and what we hope to do, but anything can change in an instant. Life is a constant journey of trying to figure it out. As a parent it's most noticeable with kids. Any honest parent will tell you they have no idea what they are doing. They may have ideas, understandings, plans, but at the end of it they have no idea. Beyond parenting it exists too. University students who may have a plan, but deep down most, if not all, seem to struggle with the question, 'what am I going to do after university?'

It's universal.

Here's what I am reminding myself of today. I am just trying to figure out life and so is everyone else I meet. No one has it fully together and we are all being challenged by something. Let's join together and try to figure it out with each other instead of apart from each other. In this we can find love, hope, joy, life, and the realization we are not alone.

Admit today you don't really know what you are doing and you are just trying to figure it out. Join me and enter into a space of mystery and surprise.

Life as mystery coming tomorrow.

Mantra #3 - Always Be Compassionate

The way a person is treating me is more about them than me, unless I have committed an authentic act of offence.

I heard these words from my wife a few years ago and thought, 'what a nice saying....' and thought nothing else. A few years later I am hanging on to these words as I interact with people. This has allowed me to see beyond the surface, to realize what is going on in a person's life is way bigger than the interaction I am having with them.

As a Youth Pastor I see many youth come through the church, but I only ever see them a few hours a week. I interact with them, encourage them, joke with them, teach them, and then they go back to their homes, schools, and situations. The truth is, I have no idea what happens after they leave. Sure, I can imagine what's going on through what they tell me, but I honestly do not know.

I don't know whether their parents are hurtful towards them or loving.
I don't know whether they are struggling in school or not.
I don't know the person they are beginning to start a relationship with or whether they sit alone at school.
I don't know whether they are a bully or get bullied.

The same is true for any person I meet. All I know is what I perceive and what they tell me. I don't know their backgrounds or family situation, what happens behinds close doors. This realization is a good thing! Realizing this has released me to be a compassionate person because the way they are interacting with me tells me a bit about what's going on in their life. If they are angry, there is something going on which is wrong. If they are happy, something has given them encouragement. If they are worried, something has happened which has shaken them up a bit.

Seriously, it's been one of the most releasing things I have experienced in a very long time. I am out of the picture because it's not about me. Having compassion is looking at a person and trying to understand, get to know, and embrace the full being I am talking to.

What if we were all a little bit more compassionate?
What if we realized the way a person is acting really has nothing to do with us unless we have committed an authentic act of offence?
What if we started realizing we don't know people as well as we think and sit and listen to them as they talk?

We may just find ourselves being in a place where people WANT to talk with us and be in relationship with us. Why? Because we are simply listening, sharing, loving.

It's really simple.

Mantra #2 - People are Inherently Good

This mantra is hard. With everything I see around the world it is tough for me to believe this to be true. Wars, bombs, murder, killing, hate, racism, etc., gives me a perspective of the world going to 'hell in a hand basket'. BUT, I have to believe people are good because this view of the world has no hope.

I believe Creator God has created all and continues to create before us. The Creator God is good. If God is good and God continues to create everything than people have a deep, deep goodness within them. All of creation comes from a place of inherent goodness because everything is created by a good God.

This view gives me hope. This view tells me, although things are messy right now, it will be good at the end of it all. This view let's me rest.

I need, have to, and must believe this is true because without it there is no hope. My hope rests in the good creator God who will not let anything but good triumph at the end of it all.

Having this view allows me to see goodness all around me. It focuses my attention to the things bringing life and not death. I am able to get beyond the evil and mess and see the goodness all around me. It has been difficult to view the world like this because I lean toward cynicism, but as I have opened my mind and heart to see the world and people as inherently good I am beginning to see there is goodness all around, it has just been hidden by the mess and evil, which is reigning.

Mantra #1 - Be Faithful

Over the last number of months I have developed 3 mantras to live by as I follow Jesus. Really, they aren't anything I developed, but things found throughout Scripture. I uses these mantras as tools to root myself in the important things, to see good, and to not wish I was anywhere else, but here.

'Always be faithful' has been a difficult journey for me. up until a couple of years ago it seemed as though I was always looking to do something different, change things, and not be committed to where I was. I would regularly research way to get out of the very thing God has put me in. What I was essentially saying to God was, 'Thanks for what you have given me, but I'm going to try something else.' This sounds awfully familiar, if it does, it's because it is what Adam and Eve said to God way back when humanity started.

I have found it hard throughout my life to believe where I am and what I am doing is what I need to be doing right now. I've lived my life in the pursuit of something else; giving my time to the pursuit instead of the very thing before me. As I came face to face with this reality a couple of years ago I started studying the life of Moses. Moses is an incredible man. Moses was an Israelite by birth, but at the time the Israelites were enslaved to the Egyptians. Moses was placed in a basket and put along the Nile River. He was scooped up by Pharaoh's daughter and raised as an Egyptian. After this time, 40 years Scripture says, he was overseeing parts of Egypt and saw an Egyptian beating an Israelite. Deep within Moses there was something wrong. In his anger he acted, killed the Egyptian, and buried him under the sand in hopes no one would find out. Well people did find out and because of this Moses ran, her ran and ran and ran to a distant land. There he met and started working for man named Jethro. This man became Moses father-in-law when Moses married one of his daughters. For 40 more years Moses tended to sheep as a shepherd.

40 years.
40.
14,600 days.
2,080 weeks.

Moses did his work as a shepherd exceptionally well and faithfully, but seemingly out of no where heard a voice, saw a bush, and heard the voice of God. God called him out of shepherding sheep and asked him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

Moses was faithful for 40 years as a shepherd before God called him. 40 years of not hearing from God our wondering if God was around. 40 years of wondering what was going on. 40 years of being faithful to thing which had been given to him.

Through the life of Moses I was convicted in my experience to be faithful. Be faithful to everything God has given me. This does not mean I don't hope for things, or what something different, but what the experience has done is taught me God wants to show me something here now with the very things God has given me.

I have learned, and it's HARD, to start to be faithful to what God has given me. 

God looks on Creation and says 'it is good.'

In our world today it's easy to believe evil is winning and goodness is falling behind. There is so much evil dominating the world news right now, but goodness is all around. In fact, I believe it is screaming louder than we think and louder than evil. Goodness cannot be silenced by evil, but evil can be silenced by goodness.

Last night I watched a documentary called "The White Helmets."* This movie is a documentary of these men based mainly in Aleppo, Syria, who are sustained by barely enough money for food, and are the first responders to civilians when bombs go off. In the midst of people and areas being blown to pieces, there are men who are there digging through the rubble to find living bodies, both adult and children.

During the documentary the things these men were saying were unbelievable. One man shared his story of being the man on the radio because he is not permitted to go out to be a first responder because of his health: he was shot and then stabbed about 6 inches in length down his stomach. Brutal. YET, as he talks about his story he is in tears because he can't go out and help.

What if we started to choose to have an attitude like this man? What if we decided to bring intentional goodness to every situation, regardless of what's going on? You would think the world would start to change.

The crazy thing about these men is they have been shot at, bombed, and are under constant duress, but they keep responding. They keep showing goodness is going to reign not evil.

In the beginning God created, looked on it, and said 'it is good.' I've believe God is still looking on it, us, and saying we are good. This is why God has given us Jesus. God wants us to know, 'you are good, you just don't know it. Let Jesus reveal this goodness to you.'

We are so blind to goodness in this world. I could be overwhelmed by the evil I see all around me, yet I am open to see the goodness. "The White Helmets" is a story of hope, love, and goodness. Let's choose to make this story important and the one we focus on.

Evil will look like it is winning, but it's a lie, it have never won in the past, it isn't winning now, and it will never win in the future. Evil will ALWAYS be triumphed by goodness.

--

*"The White Helmets" can be seen on Netflix, or if you search online there are other websites you can watch it on, some from Syria. It's a beautiful story of hope and goodness.

Try Something New

Let's admit it, we love routine. We love being able to have a set way of doing things and sticking to it. When something new comes along it almost seems to be threatening. There is a new way of cooking, eating, sleeping, praying, working, or any other thing, and are afraid of what will happen if we change it. Meanwhile, what we are unaware of is the very thing we don't want to change is the very thing, which can possibly be dead, dying, unhealthy, or not important.

Is there something recently you have been invited to start or change, which feels scary, ridiculous, outrageous, crazy, or impossible? Could it be by starting or change this very thing it could infuse within you life you never thought you needed, or joy you always thought you had?

I am actually a person who loves change and trying new things. I love exploring what hasn't been done and trying to see if it can be done. But, I have to admit, sometimes I get so comfortable in my routine I am unaware of new things I can even try.

The invitation is before me and you: let's try something new. Let's explore different avenues, paths, streets, and opportunities. The worst thing is it doesn't work out, really, but we will come away with the process of learning through discovery and trying new things.

Today I am going to do it. I am going to be aware of the adventure of trying something new and step into it, no matter how small.

So Much Pain

This past week I have been interacting with a lot of people who are in the midst of such pain in their lives. Pain from family, relationships, self and these people are clinging on to hope; some have lost hope entirely. Prayer seems to be out of desperation more than anything else. For some they don't even want to pray because they can't find the words, or even imagine their is a God above it all who is somehow orchestrating it all for good.

I know when I look around in places like Aleppo, Syria it's hard to imagine hope. I mean how can such hate and evil exist between people.

Here's what I trust and have to hope in:

Pain will eventually cease and joy will come.
Evil may have the coverage, but love will ALWAYS win.
God is good, although it's hard to imagine sometimes.
People have good within them because they were created by a good God.
We are human and there is always going to be some pain.
There is something to learn in all circumstances.
God says "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

For those in pain right now, I am praying for you. I am praying for the pain to end, but I am also praying in the midst of pain you would know God's ever present presence, love, and peace.

Today is a heavy day.

14 to 1

This semester I am taking 2 courses for my Master of Divinity program. Each of these courses is online and actually entails more work, I find, than sitting in a classroom and taking a course the normal way. None the less, I was doing my reading and listening/reading the lecture notes for one my courses and I came across this stat.

14 to 1

The history of humanity who has lived on this earth and died outnumbers those alive 14 to 1. For every person alive today there are 14 others buried.

Why does this matter?

As I was reading and studying last night my professor concluded we ought to spend some more time listening to those who have gone before than we currently do; they have things to say about our world, life, religion, and society we need to hear. Following up with yesterday's post, I would conclude, he is right.

Yesterday I made the case for myself and everyone else, the world needs us to be uniquely and creatively us, not someone else. We have something to offer the world no one else has seen or heard before and the same goes for all those who have ever lived. Each of those people had/has something to offer the world no one else can. From writings, to lifestyle we can learn a lot from these people.

I used to think history was pointless. For me it was a lot of memorization of dates and things, which meant little to nothing about how I lived my life. I seriously didn't even much time for the past 100 years or so and was so arrogant to believe what we have now is all that matters. What I soberingly came to understand, thankfully, was all we have today, is because someone has gone before.

I remember going to Rome in 2011 with my wife and walking down the street, turning the corner, and seeing the Colosseum. We ventured a little further and visited the Roman Forum. Now, these are tourist sites for a ton of people and hold nothing more than 'cool ideas' or 'feelings' when people visit, but these two places represent much more than ideas and feelings. These two places represent the entertainment of the day and the mecca of arts and culture. As I looked into the history of these two places things started to become alive - I was walking the same steps and others 2000, 3000 years ago. Now this is cool.

Really, since this moment, everywhere my wife and I travel places aren't mere 'cool places' to visit, but are incredible places to be discovered and dig into. There are things to be discovered along the way about the people who have gone before us. Things as simple as growing up, maturing, getting a job, and having a family. All of these things are now alive as I actually want to study how it all was done and how it all happened.

The cool thing about the two courses I am taking is, I really already took them in my Undergraduate studies. I am not sure why my courses didn't transfer over to my current program, BUT I am thankful. I am thankful because nearly 10 years ago I learned about history, the history of Christianity to be exact, and I am a different person now. The readings I used to think were incredibly boring have now grown to be alive. I almost get a second chance at this and I am taking advantage of the opportunity.

God is "than, than which nothing greater can be conceived." - Anselm of Canterbury

"My heart heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee." - Augustine

These two quotes have resonated in my mind for a couple of years now. Each one beautiful. Each one written by people I never knew, but feel as if I know them a bit. These quotes were written within the history of the world. Quotes I probably wouldn't have thought twice about 10-12 years ago. Now they are incredible lines of adoration, praise, worship, struggle, and joy from both Anselm and Augustine.

I love history. I can't believe I am writing those words down, but I do, I love it. I love looking to the past, learning and honouring what has gone before and continue to write the book of history as I move forward. People will remember me, you, all of us. What will they remember us by?

The World Needs You

'If you buy this you will look just like me.'
'If you eat this it will make you act like me.'
'If you do this you will be cool like everyone else.'
'If you wear this you will look like everyone else.'

Working with students is a lot of fun. Unlike adults, students wear their emotions on their sleeves and are pretty transparent about a lot of things. I say, unlike adults, because adults have learned to hide certain things about themselves and, more often than not, only present the good things. Students, they haven't quite learned the craft and as such, are who they are. There is a lot to learn from these students.

The one thing which saddens me quite a lot with students is the constant new trends. It's been said by Youth Ministry experts, Youth Culture changes every 3 months. I actually think it changes even fast than this, maybe even every 2 months. New trends can be good, but when students change with the trend because they think the world needs this or that, or for them to be something more than they are, this saddens me.

I have been Created by a God who has designed me to be me, not someone else, but me. My journey has led me down the path of doing what I believed others wanted me to be and it ended horribly (see earlier post). I realized, instead of trying to figure out what others wanted me to be, I needed to start by asking the question 'what have I been created for?' God has created me for a distinct purpose, distinctly unique. There is no one else like me in the world, not a single person. There has never been a me and there never will be a me. I am it and to quote one of my favourite authors and speakers, 'the world needs me to be me.'

Just like the world needs me to be me, the world needs you to be you. The world does NOT need me to try and be like another person, or for you to be like another person. We have all been designed by such a creative God to be uniquely us. This means we all have something to bring to the table the world has never seen. Did you hear that? Did I hear that? We all have something to bring to the table the world has never seen. Ok, woah.

Pausing to take this in.

What do I bring to the table? What do you bring to the table? So many of us believe we need to have a lot of meat at the table. We all bring various different kinds, flavours, and presentations, but there are duplicates. People end up bringing the same thing. When we focus so much of our energy trying to find what we are made for by looking out and asking media, clothing, and food what we were made for they will tell us pretty quickly, instantly. What I am finding out and noticing is my Creator God is not revealing to me all at once what I am made for, but is constantly revealing things about my being every day, if I would only find the space and time to step away from the noise and be quiet.

One of the things I have discovered about myself is God has uniquely designed me, and desire me, too help people see and do things they think are impossible; to help open their eyes to the possibility and truth of more. This took me a long time to discover because I was trying to find it in all the wrong places. It's really quite simple isn't it? Shouldn't we all be listening to and asking our Creator for the exact thing we bring to the table? I mean, God did create us. God knows our inner most being, all the complexities (Psalm 139:13-16). God knows the very deep desires we have. God knows the exact thing the world needs from me and from you.

As stated above, it saddens me to see students blown here and there by people, places, and things telling them to be this, do that, and need anything. It saddens me because I see so many incredible things in students and children. I see things in them they don't even know about. As I tell them things I see they look at me strangely because I don't sound like what they hear all the time. As a Pastor I am trying to guide and give space to God showing the students what they were 'made for' (to quote Alex Street). My desire is to see each student I work with step into the very reason why Creator God has made them.

Here's the deal. When we all step into the very thing God has created us for we WILL be most alive.

Now I already hear the naysayers and people who say they may not have time for this, ok. How about this: can we all agree to do one thing? Let's all take the advice of Bob Goff and love people, ok? If you don't want to do anything more than you are doing and don't really care about what you were created for, can you love people? There is too much hate in our world. We need more love. I don't know the exact details about why Bob Goff (bobgoff.com) was created, but here is what I do know: He has inspired SO MANY people to love in ways we never thought possible and pretty much everyone who encounters Bob is inspired to love in ways never thought possible. This is his gift to the world and it is what we all need to do if we don't know what to do.

What are you created for? What do you possess, which the world needs?

The world doesn't need another version of another person. The world needs me and you to be uniquely us. The world needs uniquely us to do and be the person God created us to be. Isn't this such a great journey? Honestly. At least for me it is exciting to see things come out in myself and others, which are so unique to the setting we find ourselves in.

If we don't step into what we were created for, hear this, we are robbing the world of what it needs. You and I were made for something. You and I were designed by a Creator who invites us to give what we possess to the world which needs this very thing.

Take the journey.
Discover who you are.
Explore all the unique things.
Give the world what you have to offer because The World Needs You.

My Son Woke Up at 6am

I love to think I am in control of things. I choose to wake up at a certain time, go to sleep at a certain time, read a book I choose, control the finances I have, write, work, etc. The reality is though, all it takes is something, anything, unexpected to throw all of it out of whack. It is these moments where, in the past, I would get incredibly frustrated because 'THIS ISN'T GOING THE WAY I HAD PLANNED!'

This morning my son woke up at 6am. Because of the events of yesterday evening I needed to get some extra rest, so I had set my alarm for 6am instead of 5:30 planning to get up and write for 30mins then head to church to prepare before our 9:30 gathering. At 5:58am I heard the two words through our baby monitor, which tells me my son is awake: 'Get Out.' I knew at this moment I wasn't going to be writing at 6am, but would be going into his room, telling him it was too early and he needed to go back to sleep for a bit longer, listen to him cry for 5mins, and lie with him till close to 7am. This is what happened.

I say all of this because this morning I didn't react the way I used to. I woke up with compassion on for my son realizing he had a bad dream, or was a little restless and just needed me to help him through the last part of his sleep. I also realized no matter what I have to do in life, my wife and children will ALWAYS go before anything else, including writing. At 5:58am there was no where I needed to be more than holding my son and lying down with him till 7, nothing.

And so, I write at 7:30 for a short bit of time because I need to write. But, I write at this time because the more important thing took my attention earlier this morning. My whole day has started not the way I expected it to, it has started 'out of my control,' but is anything really in our control? The truth is there is very little guaranteed in this life. When surprises come my way I am not expecting I am now choosing to not react, realize many things are out of my control, and do my best to navigate through these unexpected times.

I hope I can continue to do this. It is a choice. Today I chose to not react. Tomorrow I may not. Day by day-one day at a time.

Ask for the Impossible

Two summers ago I had the opportunity to sit with 50 other pastors and leaders as we asked our questions to Carl Lentz, lead Pastor of Hillsong NYC. One of the things has he said has stuck with me nearly every day since. He said they only do things people think are impossible, "whenever people tell us it is impossible we always say 'Great! This is where God operates.'" I was struck by this. Not because it wasn't true, but because my faith and understanding of God had been so small.

In the past I would ask God for help, for guidance, to do something, but these were always small things; things I feel as though God was saying 'really?' to me. These past 2 years I have started to ask for big things:

To bring an awakening to my neighbourhood.
To restore impossibly broken relationships.
To help me be compassionate when listening to every person I interact with.
To give me peace at all times in a restless world.

Just yesterday I was interacting with a person who I always thought never listened to me, always talked over me; a person I didn't give the time or day because talking just seemed impossible. I spent a total of nearly 2hrs talking to this person. 2hrs talking about struggles, hope, dreaming about the impossible, and trying hard to be compassionate to all people regardless of who they are.

After this conversation I tweeted out to ask God for the impossible because before you know it, the impossible with start to be possible.

We don't really dream. If something seems impossible it is just pushed aside and is decided it won't happen. It's too big, too much money, no one will come, too much change is involved, people will leave. All of these answers are really the same answer, it's impossible and it will never happen.

Whenever I hear people talk about impossible things and say it will never happen I always poke a little bit and say, 'Great! If you want to see God do something amazing, ask for the very thing you think is impossible.' The response I usually get is laughter. SERIOUSLY! We are so afraid to ask for the impossible it's frightening. It's seems as though we don't actually want to see the thing we say we do, or we are too afraid and what will happen once it occurs.

Here's what I know. Nearly every time God does something throughout the Scripture, it is laughable to us because it seems impossible. Most of the popular Bible Stories and miracles are told to us and yet we don't have the courage, or frankly the faith to step in and ask, operate, and believe like some of these people.

God works in the impossible. God has given me faith through the power of the Holy Spirit. The faith I have is the same faith Moses had, Abraham had, Paul had, Jeremiah had, David had, etc. Nothing is different. I know I need to put my faith in places which seem impossible because when I do I know God is going to do something amazing. I just need to always be ready to see it.

Impossible needs to be the thing we are doing. If it's possible to do something we will most often just rely on ourselves, but if it seems impossible there is no where else to run, but to the God who says, through the person of Jesus, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." (Matthew 19:26)

10%

10%.

It is a percentage filled with mystery.

At the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM) you can miss this number if you aren't looking for it. There is a small sentence in one of the cases with a few animals on the 2nd floor. This percentage represents the approximate amount of species scientists know about.

90%.

This is the amount of scientists don't know and it is crazy. When I think about all the different kinds of species out there and recognize it's only 10% of what is actually in the world it humbles me. It humbles me because I think I know a lot. Yet, 90% of the Created species of God are still yet to be discovered.

Look up into the sky. Look down into the depths of the ocean. So many things above and below yet to be discovered and yet I often live my life as if I know things, as if I know what I am talking about when it comes to certain concepts and ideas. This may be true, I may know a lot of things, but I always have to put it in perspective of what I don't know because if I don't, things go bad.

Often times I catch myself looking out on the water or up in the air and simply marvelling at the bigness of what I am experiencing, realizing I am just a small person - a small person with knowledge, but a small person with a lot of learning ahead of me.

It's always important for me to start my day in this posture because it makes me a more loving, accepting, compassionate person. I don't go about my days wondering how a person can't understand this or that, because I don't understand this or that; I am able to listen and connect with others. If I start my day from the posture of arrogance I get caught up with what I know and simply can't connect with others.

I wonder what the world would look like if people lived their lives with this perspective. Instead of trying to prove how much we know or don't know, maybe we all need to start with a posture of "we are all just trying to figure this thing called life out." This makes it easier for us to come upon a person who doesn't know something simply and help them understand it. This makes it easier for a person to teach me something instead of thinking I don't need to be taught because I know it all.

I am still learning. I am still growing. I am still maturing. If I don't humble myself under the truth of the 10% I will hardly, if ever, be able to experience the 90%, but as I humble myself under the truth of the 10% it leaves me open to experiencing the other 90%.

This morning I am choosing to be a part of the 10% and look out into my day with awe and wonder, or with what Abraham Joshua Heschel calls "radical amazement."

Breath

Breath is wonderful. It is so natural to a body. More often than not a person is unaware of it. As talking happens, as TV is watched, as food is eaten breath is often the very thing keeping people alive and the very thing people forget about. In fact, as I sit here and talk about breath I have noticed every inhalation and exhalation, but if I weren't talking about it I would probably forget I was breathing because it is so natural.

Breath is life. It keeps a person alive. As a person exercised and the heart rate starts to increase, so does the breath; more oxygen is needed for the body to continue to function. The first sign of life when a baby is born is a cry and a cry is done by first taking in a deep breath and letting it out in scream form.

How often are we conscious of our breath during the day? I am conscious of my breath when I am in a tense situation as I try and slow my heart rate down by deep breathing. My breath becomes the very thing a focus on, but if I am not in this type of situation I seem to be unaware of it.

If find it interesting, breathing. I find it interesting because in the beginning of the Scriptures the writer of Genesis says God breathed the breath of life into humanity (Genesis 2:7). It wasn't until this breath was given did humans become living; without breath people are, well, dead. Breath is given by God, breathed from the Divine, and yet it is often the thing I forget about the most.

Taking a moment.

Could it be the very way to connect with God is through the very life source God gave to humanity in the beginning? Could it be as I breath in and breath out, and am conscious of it, I am interacting, communing, with the Divine? Could it be as I notice my breath I am slowing my body down, becoming still, and now in a posture and space where I can rest with God?

Pneúma is an Ancient Greek word most often translated spirit. It follows with the Hebrew word Ruach, which also means spirit. Yet, spirit, in both the Greek and Hebrew, can also be translated breath.

Every breath I take is the breath the Divine has placed into my body. It is also possible to even say every breath I take is the Divine breathing through my body. This is cool stuff.

Today I am taking more moments to notice my breath because as I notice my breath, I notice the Creator who gave me my breath and is continuing to breath through me just as with the the very first people to roam the earth.

Time to hit publish.

Natural Rhythms

A year ago this week marks the start of my 6-month long Sabbatical from my pastoral role at church. I was given the opportunity to take the Sabbatical to rest, travel, study, be a stay-at-home dad and become less cynical. The first three were given by the Elder Board at my church, the other two by me. I am thankful to have been able to do all five of these things during those 6-months and although it is impossible to be a stay-at-home dad and pastor full-time I do believe I developed healthier rhythms throughout this time.

Lots of people asked me what I learned over the 6-month period and I am not sure what people were expecting me to say. I personally imagined an incredible awakening to something I had never seen before. Maybe it would be the development or implementation of something which could affect many lives. Either way I felt as though people were expecting me to come back with some earth shattering discovery, but the truth is I learned what I went away to do.

I learned to rest.
I travelled.
I studied.
I was a stay-at-home dad.
I became less cynical.

Above all of these things there was something else I learned.

As the summer was winding down and the fall was beginning to emerge it was then I took my Sabbatical and had less noise surrounding me. It was brilliant. It was hard. No one really needed me. I didn't need to get anything done. No deadlines. No meetings. No emails. No voicemails. It definitely took some time to get used to. I stepped into a space I had never been and had to cultivate new routines and patterns. What I noticed though is after the noise around started to disappear I was noticing one important thing all around me: The Natural Rhythm of Creation.

We as people run at a torrid pace. Seriously. If we compare ourselves to the rest of Creation there is a stark difference in how we operate. We wake up whenever we want, we go to bed whenever we want, we abuse things all around us for our gain, and the worst part is we don't usually care. As the noise surrounding me started to disappear I had the capacity to look and see people around me. Always rushing, always hurrying, hardly ever enjoying. I made the conclusion, for myself - I was going against the very grain of the Natural Rhythm of Creation.

The sun rises at different times all throughout the year and it sets at different times as well. As the earth rotates around the sun we get longer days and shorter days. September went into October and the days started to get shorter, but it seemed as if no one around me cared. Everyone went as if nothing had happened. People would just complain it was getting colder and the days were getting shorter as if it is such a bad thing. Instead of trying to step into the rhythm of creation I noticed people all around me ignore it. They had things to do. They couldn't slow down. Some even chose to increase their busyness. As the rest of Creation started to prepare for hibernation and rest the people I saw just lived as if nothing was changing, well they did put on a jacket.

The fall season is a time of dying, per say. It is a time where we marvel at the beauty of so many colourful leaves here in Canada. These leaves turn colour because they are dying. They die in order for life to grow in the Spring. Creation starts to die, prepare, and hibernate in the fall. The speed of animals starts to slow down, the frequency of animals we see gets fewer: less birds, less raccoons, the squirrels.

As winter comes and the days are short it seems as though life has disappeared from what we see. The colour from the fall has no disappeared and white snow hits the ground covering everything which once bore a colour.

The natural rhythm fall told me was to slow down.
The natural rhythm winter told me was to nestle in, stay warm, and enjoy my wife and child around me.

It seems so natural does it? If we notice the days of the year move in a way which begs for us to join in. The sun rises, we wake. The sun sets, we rest. The days get warmer we spend it outside. The days get colder we spend it indoors.

The thing which struck me more than anything over my 6-month Sabbatical is how people, literally, run against the rhythm and fabric of Creation. We ignore, for the most part, this natural rhythm. It's a shame because there is so much goodness found in this rhythm.

As September has come again this year I feel more prepared for the fall and winter. I am not trying to get through it in order to get to spring and summer. I am prepared to enjoy each and every moment as I look into creation, see how it operates, and step into this rhythm knowing my Creator has designed it to operate is such a way.

It's amazing isn't it? I know I complain often of not being able to hear, feel, experience God in my life and more often than not refuse to step into the very rhythm of Creation. Maybe if I step into this rhythm I will be able to see, hear, and experience God more.

Well it's the time. 6:30am. Clicking publish.

Writing for Me, not You

It's just past 5:30am on Tuesday, September 6 and I am awake and on my computer writing. Why you may ask? Let me share with you.

A few weeks ago I listened to a podcast of Rob Bell's (the RobCast) and he had a guest on: Glennon Doyle, or Momastery. She has an absolutely incredible story of pain, struggle, love, perseverance, finding God in unexpected places, and simply writing because she needs to. She wakes up every morning at a certain time and writes for 1.5 hours. She does this because she is an alcoholic and needs to write as part of her recovery; it helps her navigate through life and all it entails. Now, I am not an alcoholic, but I am in recovery for another addiction. Do I write because I need to for my recovery?

I have had a yearning to write for years now. 

Book ideas. Papers. Essays. Notes on too many pages I can't count anymore. I have no idea whether any of these will formulate into anything, but there is a deep desire for me to write. In the past I have tried to write on subjects I thought other people would want to read, but it simply lead me down a path of checking the post over and over again to see how many 'hits' on my site I got. I would tell my wife if I got a certain amount and be proud others are reading it. But, this is arrogant. This is rooted in one of my default character positions which is the belief 'I have things people NEED to hear.'

Wow. As I sit here and right I am finally gripped with the truth and levity of this last sentence.

I am 30. For the first 22 years of my life I basically lived my life from the perspective and what I thought other people wanted me to be. I would listen to any and every voice and if it said, 'you're great at (insert thing)' I would think it was who I am. These voices told me who I was, but there was another voice I rarely listened to, if ever, my own. 

22 years of listening and doing what I thought others needed me to do. 

22 years of telling myself to shut-up because what I thought wasn't important.

22 years of hiding. 

22 years defining myself by nothing more than the newest 'thing' a person liked about me.

22 years of being blown here, there, and everywhere.

22 years.

22 years.

22 years.

22 years of this lead to internal hell. I lived my life in isolation most days, but not showing anyone. On the outside I was a confident, outgoing, 'life of the party' kind of person, but inside I just wanted all the noise to cease and be still. At any opportunity I would isolate myself and go to a place where I thought I was accepted, but I continued to be deceived.

When I was about 10-11 years old I saw a picture. A picture which said, 'come we will accept you,' 'you don't have to pretend here,' 'anyone is welcome.' This picture led to more pictures, which led to videos, which led to chatting online with strangers.

Porn.

It captivated me. I was in control. I was me. It was ok to be me. Everyone liked me. This is of course the lie pornography gives to users: the belief of knowing, loving, and caring. The truth is no one knew me. It was and is just acting. 

Within these 22 years I immersed myself heavily into this. 2, 3, 4, 5 hours a day believing I was accepted. This pseudo acceptance pretty much destroyed believing I would ever be accepted anywhere else. It destroyed any knowledge of who I actually was. At the end of these 22 years, 12 of which was immersed in porn, I was a shell.

Rock bottom was painful. Not because I was found out by my fiancé. Not because I lost my job and an unbelievable organization. Not because I lost most of my friends. Not because people were incredibly disappointed. Not because I had to always be watched while on the computer. Not because of the withdrawal (but it was horrible). All of these things compounded the pain, but the source of the pain, the source of it all was I was left with me. A me I didn't know.

Over the last 8 years I have been on a discovery of who I am and who I have been created to be. It has lead me to unexpected places and realizations, which have simply amazed me.

I was told I was extroverted my whole life. I am an introvert.

I was told my whole life my love language is touch. It's acts of service, words of affirmation and then touch.

I was told I was good at sports. I am, but am not defined by it now.

I was told I was the life of the party. I hate like being that person, but I do like standing with one or two people at a party and chat.

I was told I loved being the centre of attention. I can't stand being the centre of attention.

It has been quite a journey over the last 8 years. A journey of stepping into me and not a version I thought was better than me. This journey is far from over as I continue to find new things about myself and continue to run from what people think I should be, or what I believe people need me to be. And so I get back to the reason I am writing.

I am not writing for you, but I am writing for me and I don't feel bad at all! I am writing online because I need to get these words out, but not so I can look and see how many people have visited my site, but because these words need to be put outside of my own head.

The truth is, no one NEEDS to hear the things I am saying. I need to hear them and write them and experience them.

And so, through the inspiration of Glennon Doyle I write. I write for 1hr each morning and press "publish" when the hour is over. No edits, just me.

I am privileged to have gone through the experiences I have to lead me to this place. This place is nice, heavenly, a place I am connecting with my Creator instead of being separated, hell.